Mockumentary

As a rule, I never really did mock drafts before, too much variance, too much noise and too much guessing. However, this is one of those thing all the cool kids are doing and I have always been a fan of jumping off bridges.

It being my way, I am throwing a little gravy on this, a little somthin’ somthin’ for the homies. Not only am I making a feeble attempt to get inside the heads of 15 NHL GM’s and guess what they are going to pick, I am also going to tell them all how stupid they are and who the should pick instead.  Oh, and I am not going to bother with the top 3. We all know how that is going to go down, no point in spilling that ink.

4th – Edmonton – Matthew Tkachuk

Both the Oilers and newly minted GM Chia tend to be consensus guys and Tkachuk is, for better or worse, pretty consensus at this point. He also possesses the hard nosed game that the organization is really in to these days. They’re gonna try and make fetch happen.

But who should they pick? – Jacob Chychrun

His tumble down many of the scout rankings isn’t totally without merit, but I still think he’s the best D in the draft, top notch tool kit being over shadowed by a ‘what have you done for me lately?’ mentality

5th – Vancouver – Pierre-Luc Dubois

Jim Benning will be all over PLD, but for all the wrong reasons. He’s big, he’s rough, he’s tumble and that’s what Jim Benning likes. He also scores like the dickins.

But who should they pick? Dubois, like I said, weren’t you paying attention? Benning falls back asswards into the right pick.

6th-Calgary – Alex Nylander

I am a big fan of Nylander the younger, he’s a less flashy more focused (if not as creative) version of big brother, plus he’s Calgary born and who won’t love that narrative?

But who should they pick? – Matthew Tkachuk. Simply because if by chance the teams above pass on him, Tkachuk is the best prospect available.

7th – Phoenix – Oli Juolevi

The Yotes have done very well with their forward prospects and should be looking to bolster their back end to compliment it. With a guy like OEL in the system, they know the value of a smooth, scoring defender and Juolevi is a perfect fit

But who should they pick? Like Vancouver, they nail this one, but for the right reasons.

8th – Buffalo – Jacob Chychrun

Sabres management will be drooling at this point, not so long ago this kid was slated to go 2nd over all and here he is, all the way down at 8th. Call it compensation for losing out on McDavid in the lotto, call it the electric boogaloo, doesn’t matter, Buffalo get’s a great prospect way lower than his station

But who should they pick? The Sabres are the first to not benefit from my wisdom, Chychrun is long drafted, but they do get a very nice runner up prize with Clayton Keller

the next 5 coming soon

 

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Hockey Wild Ass Guess pt 1

I’ve long fancied myself an expert in bullshit, almost as long as I’ve been a hockey fan in fact. This is probably why I find hockey rumour warmongering and, by proxy, silly season so interesting.

A dash of logic, a dab of intrigue, a dollop of drama and voilà, grade A clickbait gold.

How hard can it be? Well, over the course of two posts, we will find out. This post will focus on some of the current NHL free agents and I will ‘predict’ where they land in a no holds bared, no sources faked no insider knowledge gifted format. I will guess the top destination and two additional potential teams.

As a control, I will use a free Magic 8-Ball app from my phone, asking it an ever limiting series of yes or no questions.

And away we go.

Green, Mike– Pittsburgh -They’ve shown an affinity for former Caps in the past and are not bringing back Erhoff.
2-Detroit – if they miss their primary target(s) 3-San Jose-Just seems like a fit.

8-Ball-St Louis
St. Louis, Martin– Chicago- After they trade Sharp, he can fill in, will sign for short term and low dollars to chase another cup
2-New York Rangers-If they dont trade for Sharp, they’ll want him back. 3-Montreal – En Francais!

8-Ball-Florida
Horcoff, Shawn-Retirement-he doesnt get a good enough offer and Nonis isnt around to sign him to a Robidas

8-Ball-Los Angelas
Fisher, Mike-Nashville-He goes nowhere

8-Ball-Nashville
Ehrhoff, Christian 1-Dallas-After failing to get their main target they settle on Erhoff
2-Detroit-if the Wings miss on other D, he’s their back up 3-San Jose-I hear he likes Cali

8-Ball- Vancouver
Niemi, Antti-Dallas-tired of quick fix maybes, Dallas goes after a more proven guy
2-Edmonton-they throw big money at him 3-San Jose-Another go round

8-Ball- Boston
Vermette, Antoine-Colorado-a V is shaped like an upside down mountain, Colorado has mountains. It’s a gimmie.

2-Florida-Tallon does that weird thing where he over pays a former Hawk playoff guy 3-Edmonton-To lead da kidz

8-Ball-Colorado
Souray, Sheldon-Retirement, he’s toast

8-Ball-Dallas

Williams, Justin-St Louis-getting desperate, looking for that ‘clutch’ they give him too much money and trade someone better to do it
2-Los Angelas-last year was a fluke…right? 3-Detroit-They inject him with whatever they use to keep Datsyuk and Zetterberg vivacious

8-Ball-Toronto (you asshole)
Beauchemin, Francois-Anaheim-they try to keep him, he signs for cheap
2-Washington-no reason, just seems like it has potential. 3-Dallas? fuck I dont know

8-Ball-Montreal
Oduya, Johnny-They traded Leddy, they’ll keep Oduya, he’ll be reasonable

8-Ball-Colorado
Frolik, Michael-Winnipeg-He’s a good fit there
2-Toronto-potentially this year’s Winnik/Santorelli. 3-Ottawa-for too much money

8-Ball-Ottawa

Franson, Cody-Toronto-trades open up blueline space, Babcock will want him back
2-Detroit-He’d fit in well, plays that conservative Detroit style. 3-Vancouver-Home again

8-Ball-Calgary
Tlusty, Jiri-Montreal-I have no reasoning
2-Toronto-Also auditioning for the part of Mike Santorelli 2016

8-Ball-Florida
Brewer, Eric-Retirement-he’s not even a shell of his former self, hurts himself hanging em up

8-Ball-New York Rangers
Santorelli, Mike-Pittsburgh-He replaces Winnik because he’ll take less years
2-New York Islanders-I dont know how they’ll fit him in, but they will. 3-Toronto-sure why not

8-Ball-Nashville
Winnik, Dan-Nashville-basically swaps with Santorelli
2-Toronto-he’ll get 2 years, still be traded at the deadline. 3-Montreal-replaces PAP who is traded for……..wait till the next post!

8-Ball-Toronto
Belesky, Matt-Montreal-the scoring winger trade market is as unkind as this contract will be in 2 years
2-Calgary-Burke buys big Belesky bullshit 3-Vancouver-When (SPOILERS) this is their response.

8-Ball-Boston (it said ‘outlook not so good like 13 times before it picked, so this could be fun)

Dubnyk, Devin- Buffalo-They arn’t tanking anymore and need a goalie and have capspace to over pay

2-Dallas-if they cant get Niemi, he’s their runner up 3-Minnisota-if they dont get out bid, he’s back

8-Ball-Minnisota

Part 2-Trades Coming soon!

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